I Go Back To December
by justfangirlin
Summary: A year after Blaine broke up with Kurt, and still, neither of them are ready to get on with their lives, when they meet in a bar in NYC and wonder if it's time for them to give their relationship another go. Song is Back To December by the lovely Taylor Swift


"Come on Kurt, it'll be fun!" Tina said into the phone. "You, me, Mike, Mercedes, Rachel, Karaoke, just like the old days. You know you want to!"

"Fine. Fine, Tina. I know how much you want me to, and I'm feeling nice today, so I'll go."

"Yay! Okay so meet us at 7.00 at the karaoke bar just down from my place, okay?"

"Okay. See you then. I need to get into a meeting now, so I'd better go. Bye Tina."

"See you Kurt."

* * *

As Kurt finished up at his work at 6.30 that night, he quickly checked himself in the mirror, making sure he was presentable if he happened to come across any cute guys at the club.

"Who am I kidding?" Kurt said quietly to himself. "I'm not ready for that. I'm just not. I should be- for chrissake, Kurt, Blaine broke up with you over a year ago- you should be over him now." He walked out of his building and started to walk down the street. 30 minutes later he arrived at the club, and as he walked in, spied Mike sitting with Mercedes and Rachel, waiting for Tina and himself. He took a seat and smiled.

"Hi guys." He said, putting on an air of happiness.

"Hi Kurt. How are you?" Mercedes said caringly.

"I'm good."

"Really, Kurt?" Mike asked.

"Not really." He said sadly.

"Tell us what's wrong, Kurt." Rachel said, rubbing his back.

"I just - I hate my life right now. I shouldn't, and I just keep thinking that I should be over him by now. And then I think that if I'm not over him after a year without him...maybe I'll never be over him?"

"You just need more time, baby. I think most people would take a year to get over someone they loved as much as you loved Blaine." Mercedes said, comfortingly.

"Yeah. I know. Anyone want a drink?" Kurt asked, trying desperately to change the topic.

"Yeah please." Mike said, "and Tina will too."

"And me please Kurtie." Rachel replied.

Kurt got up out of his seat and went to the bar. He had just ordered the drinks and was walking back to the group when he saw a very familiar face. Blaine. _Blaine. _"What's _he _doing here?" Kurt mumbled as he scuttled off back to his seat.

"Okay which one of you thought that it would be funny to invite him?" He asked angrily.

"Wait, Kurt, what?" Rachel asked, deeply confused.

"Over there!" Kurt said, nodding his head in the direction of the door.

"Oh my god Kurt... That wasn't deliberate! We can go somewhere else if-" Mike started.

"No. No." kurt said adamantly. "We were here first, we're staying here. I think... I think I need to be able to stand being near him, and if I can't be in a club with him then I'm screwed..."

"Good on you Kurt!" Mike said. "You don't even have to talk to him or anything. It'll be fine."

"Yeah it will. I hope." Kurt sighed. Just then, Tina came running in.

"Sorry I'm late, guys, I got held up at work." She said, hugging Mike. "How's everyone?"

"Scared shitless." Kurt said. Tina looked confused.

"Look over there, near the bar." Kurt told her.

"I don't see anything- ahhh. Okay I see him now." Tina said, realizing Kurt's predicament. "Do you want to go somewhere-"

"No, Tina. We've been over this. It's going to be okay."

"If you're sure, Kurt."

The group chatted easily about Rachel's small part on Broadway, Kurt's work, family, glee club ("We really must have a reunion sometime soon, don't you think?" Tina had said), Puck and Quinn's revived and now thriving relationship, and all the other gossip, when Kurt interrupted them.

"Oh my god he's coming towards us...has he spotted me?" He whispered. They all saw Blaine walking towards them with his group of friends and then freeze.

"He saw me." Kurt said quickly. He gulped, and Blaine started moving closer to him.

"Kurt!" Blaine said, shocked.

"Hi Blaine." Kurt said nervously.

"Um... so how are you, Kurt?" He asked. And oh, how amazing it felt to hear Blaine say his name like _that. _No one else ever said it quite like Blaine did.

"I'm... I'm alright, Blaine. You?"

"I'm fine. Guys-," He said, looking at his new group of friends. "- you go sit down, I'll be there soon." They left and Blaine started talking to the Kurt and the others.

"How are you guys?"

"We're all good. Nothing's changed, really." Rachel said, answering for them all.

"Good, good. Well anyway, I'd better head back over to the guys. If I stay any longer I just know there'll be an interrogation..." He said, starting to back away. "Bye guys. Bye Kurt."

"By Blaine." Kurt said sadly. Blaine turned and walked away.

"Well that was... awkward." Mike said, looking over at Kurt.

"Hey, you're not the one who was _in love _with him. Believe me, it wasn't that awkward for you!" Kurt said, a hint of annoyance in his voice. "And don't try to tell me you haven't been in touch with him."

"Okay I have. We all have." Mike said, before being interrupted by Mercedes.

"Kurt, I can't help but think you were lying when you said you _were _in love with him."

"I don't know what you mean." Kurt said, slightly in denial.

"You do know."

"Okay. Yes. I'm _still_ in love with him. But I know nothing will ever happen and there's no use in even trying so let's all just forget that happened, shall we?"

"He loves you too, Kurt." Mercedes said softly. "Did you not see the look in his eyes?"

"Mercedes, please just stop." Kurt sighed. "I want to enjoy this evening, and this isn't helping."

"Okay, let's stop this now and I think it's time for karaoke!" Tina said excitedly.

"I can't believe you persuaded me to do karaoke, Tina." Kurt laughed. "I hate karaoke. Everyone's always so bad."  
"You go first Kurt!" Rachel ordered. "I haven't heard you sing in so long!"

* * *

Rachel pulled Kurt up to the stage where he was to pick a song to sing. As soon as he thought of it he knew it was the right one, and the club was silenced as soon as he started singing.

_I'm so glad you made time to see me._

_How's life? Tell me how's your family._

_I haven't seen them in a while._

_You've been good, busier than ever,_

_We small talk, work and the weather,_

_Your guard is up and I know why._

_Because the last time you saw me_

_Is still burned in the back of your mind._

_You gave me roses and I left them there to die._

He looked over at his friends, all of them knowing exactly what every word he sang meant.

_So this is me swallowing my pride,_

_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"_

_And I go back to December all the time._

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you._

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine._

_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right._

_I go back to December all the time._

He scanned the room, and singled out Blaine. Blaine looked him in the eye and held his gaze.

_These days I haven't been sleeping,_

_Staying up, playing back myself leavin'._

_When your birthday passed and I didn't call._

_And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,_

_I watched you laughing from the passenger side._

_Realized that I loved you in the fall._

Both Kurt and Blaine were struggling to hold back the tears. But oh, how Kurt wanted to cry. He'd never talked to Blaine since the break up and this was a way of talking to him finally, telling him how he really still felt.

_And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind_

_You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"._

_So this is me swallowing my pride_

_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."_

_And I go back to December all the time._

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,_

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine._

_I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_

_I go back to December all the time._

_I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,_

_So good to me, so right_

_And how you held me in your arms that September night -_

_The first time you ever saw me cry._

_Maybe this is wishful thinking,_

_Probably mindless dreaming,_

_But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right._

_I'd go back in time and change it but I can't._

_So if the chain is on your door I understand._

Blaine was crying now, gazing into Kurt's eyes like he had that time at Dalton - the time he first knew just how much he loved that boy. It was nearing the end of the song and Kurt knew he couldn't hold back the tears much longer. He just hoped he could get through the last chorus with _some _dignity. It was painful but somehow he managed to really sing it out. And if he hadn't been so depressed he would have probably admitted that it was his best performance in a long time.

_But this is me swallowing my pride_

_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."_

_And I go back to December..._

_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,_

_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine._

_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right._

_I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_

_I go back to December all the time._

He waited for the applause and then ran off the stage and out of the club, desperately needing to calm himself down. He slumped down and sat on the ground leaning on the wall of the club when he heard a familiar voice.

"Well, if I'm honest, that was certainly one of your most moving performances."

Blaine came over from where he had been standing in the doorway and sat down beside Kurt.

"Thank you." Kurt said quietly, still not quite sure what to say to Blaine.

"Why is life so hard, Kurt?" Blaine asked, vulnerability creeping into his voice.

"It's hard because it's what is required of everyone on this planet. We have to work, we have to get by on our own, we have to be part of a huge planet - fitting in with a whole lot of other people, and we have to love. Nobody on earth lives entirely without love, and sometimes love ends and it just makes life really hard. You never want love to end, but things happen, and it just does."

"Was that an apology Kurt? The song, I mean."

"I... I think so. I think it started just as needing a way to say so much stuff to you after not seeing you for so long, but about halfway through it started to become an apology."

"But why?" Blaine asked. "I don't understand. I was the one who fucked it up. Not you. I should be apologizing to _you!" _

"No, Blaine. We both fucked it up. You put a stop to it. But we _both _fucked it up." Kurt admitted. "So Blaine. Those guys you're with. Gay?"

"Some of them."

"Are you involved with any of them?"

"No. To be honest I've never been involved with anyone since we broke up. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was asked out - and couldn't go through with it. It wasn't right. He wasn't you. I'm still in love with you, Kurt."

At that moment, Kurt could have sworn the world stopped turning. _Blaine was in love with him? _

"But Blaine- I thought you were over me... I-I-I thought you were out of love with me and that's why you ended it-"

"Sorry, Kurt. I should never have said it. I'm so sorry-" Kurt cut Blaine off with a kiss.

"I'm in love with you, too Blaine. I never got over you. I've been miserable without you. I

love you so much Blaine."

Blaine didn't know what to say, but actions speak louder than words sometimes, so he crashed his lips back onto Kurt's. They stayed like that, kissing outside the club for a long time, or at least what _felt _like a long time to them, so stuck in the moment, knowing this was the moment they had both been waiting for for so long.

"Wow." Blaine said, finally pulling back.

"Wow. That was-"

"Amazing."

"Blaine?"

"Yes, Kurt?"

"What do we do now?" Kurt asked. He really wasn't sure he wanted to tell everyone that they were back together - _were they even back officially back together? _- just yet.

"I want to go somewhere else and talk to you. Forever. But Kurt, I don't want us to tell anyone about this yet. It'll make it more special, it just being between us."

"I agree. So, we'll both go in there for twenty minutes, and then lets meet across the road and sort shit out from there." Kurt suggested.

"You always were the smart one! Okay so meet you over there-" Blaine said, pointing to the shop over the road, "in twenty minutes. Good?" Kurt nodded. "Good."

Blaine walked back into the club, followed by Kurt a minute later.

* * *

"So, Kurt. What happened out there with you?" Tina asked when he returned.

"Nothing. We just talked. It was good. It cleared the air. I think I'm ready now to start moving on." Kurt said, hoping it wasn't too obvious what a huge lie he was telling.

"I'm sorry Kurt." Rachel said, rubbing her hand on his back.

"About what?"

"We were all hoping you would get back together. It must be hard for you-"

"It's much easier actually. Now that I've actually spoken to him about this whole...thing...it means I can get on with my life, just like I said before. Now we can go our separate ways but still see each other occasionally, like at parties and such." Kurt said solemnly. _God, I really should have become an actor, I'm good! _He thought. He realized twenty minutes was almost up. "Anyway guys, sorry to be a buzz-kill but I'm really tired so I think I'm going to go home now." He stood to leave. "See you later guys. Bye"

"By Kurt. Call me if you need." Mercedes called out after him. But he was already gone. He spotted Blaine waiting across the road, and ran across the road to meet him.

"Hey handsome." Kurt said, leaning down to give him a quick peck on the lips.

"Hello to you too!" Blaine said, taking Kurt's hand and leading him down the street. "So do you feel like Chinese? I know this really good place just five minutes from here."

"Sounds perfect!"

"Anyway, Kurt. Tell me about stuff. What have you been doing with your life for the past year? It's surprising how little Santana and Puck were willing to tell me..."

"You asked them for information about me?" Kurt asked, surprised.

"I was desperate to hear about you Kurt."

"That's cute! Okay so I got a new job, way better than my old one - higher pay, more fun, fewer hours. I went to Ohio once after Carole and Dad begged me to visit, and other than that I sat around in my tiny but incredibly cozy little apartment watching The Sound of Music on repeat."

"How are your dad and Carole?"

"Good. Dad hasn't had any more heart problems so that's been a relief. Carole's good as well. What have you been up to?" Kurt asked as they walked into the restaurant.

"Nothing much. Just the same job at the same school. But my Glee Club is really starting to grow and get good, so that makes the job worthwhile. The whole club reminds me so much of New Directions it's not funny! I now know _exactly _how hard it must have been for Mr. Schue to put up with Rachel all those years..."

"Do you really have a mini-each-person-from-New-Directions in your club?"

"Yes. I have. Well, kinda. Not exactly, but certain things they do remind me of people. No teen pregnancies or almost-marriages yet though, so that's an achievement." Kurt laughed.

"Sounds amazing. Have you done any competitions?"

"Yeah we got through Sectionals and we're working on Regionals now, so we'll see how that goes. I have high hopes though."

"I'm sure they're brilliant. How's Cooper? And your parents?"

"They're all good. Cooper got a proper acting job at last! As in, on TV, and not in the form of an ad. On a show. And my parents are good. Just as annoying as ever, but actually coming round to the fact that I'm gay. Just a few years late on that one."

"Just a few."

They arrived at the restaurant, ordered, then took a seat. They chatted easily for several hours and just as they were leaving to go back to their separate apartments, Blaine took Kurt's hand and looked into his eyes.

"Kurt it's been really amazing being with you tonight. I have just one question: will you be my boyfriend?"

"I'd love to." Kurt said as he leaned in to kiss Blaine hard on the lips.

* * *

A month later and they were all going to a New Directions reunion at Rachel's apartment. Although most of them lived in or near New York, some had flown in for the occasion, and it would be the first time the whole club was together since graduation.

"I told Rachel I would be 'fashionably late,' so as to increase the likelihood of everyone being there when we arrived. I figured it would make the surprise better and funnier." Kurt informed Blaine as they stepped into the elevator of Rachel's building. They got to the top floor and stepped out into the hallway. They could hear laughter coming from Rachel's apartment and knocked on the door.

"Yay! Only one more member to arrive after this one, guys! Who will it be guys? Kurt or Blaine?" Rachel yelled excitedly, moving closer to the door.

"Blaine! I bet it's Blaine." Puck yelled happily.

The door swung opened and Kurt and Blaine looked onto the group, all sitting eating chips and drinking beer, look in shock at _both _of them standing there, _holding hands. _There was silence. They all stared at Kurt and Blaine until Santana broke the silence.

"Well well well boys. What do we have here?"

"Um...isn't it obvious?" Kurt said sweetly.

"So..." Quinn started, "you're..back together?"

"Um yeah." Blaine said, a smile spreading over his face.

"Oh my god that's wonderful!" Rachel yelled, jumping up and down, and hugging them. "I'm so happy for you!"

The New Directions all stood up and hugged the boys - they weren't quite expecting _that _reaction!

They all took a seat finally and Mercedes looked at Kurt in the eye.

"Kurt." She said, "Why did I not know about this sooner?"

"Because we didn't want to tell anyone. Simple."

"How long dudes?" Finn asked.

"Okay well some of you may remember a night not that long ago when Tina forced me to get out of my apartment and go to a club, well yeah we got back together that night." Kurt told them, waiting for them react.

"So Kurt," Mike said. "that speech you gave us about your relationship with Blaine being over and being able to finally move on, that was..?"

"A very clever cover." Blaine said. "He's pretty good at acting, you know."

"Of course _you _would say that." Santana said. "Just cos he's the one who fucks you."

Blaine blushed and looked at Kurt, and saw that Kurt was also bright red.

"Don't deny it!" Santana said fiercely. "Otherwise I will go all Lima Heights on you ass!"

"Fine, fine. It's true." Blaine laughed.

Nobody spoke for a few seconds, when suddenly they heard a new song coming over the speakers. _Back to December. _Kurt looked at Blaine, Blaine looked at Kurt.

Tina, Mike, Rachel and Mercedes all started to laugh followed by Kurt and Blaine.

"Is there something we're missing out on dudes?" Finn asked.

"Only that the club we went to happened to have karaoke and Kurt sang this and then he went off and made out with Blaine for about a month and now we're all here and talking about them." Mercedes said, still laughing.

"I do not appreciate you suggesting that all we've done since that night was make out, Mercedes." Kurt said coldly.

"Although Kurt you have to admit it's kind of true so you can't really complain." Blaine said matter-of-factly.

"True." Kurt laughed. He leaned in to Blaine and quickly kissed him. "Very true."


End file.
